I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
