"it" just moved
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
