I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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