just come out here and I will go home with you...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I just found a bag of teeth...
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize