I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
