My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
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