Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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