She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
