I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
