WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
