his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
