I accidentally burped into my bong.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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