I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
