I bet he comes in French.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
