you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
