Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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