it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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