needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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