There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
