The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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