you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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