Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
