The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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