giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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