your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
