Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
