I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
