keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
