That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
