I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
