New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
i believe in u and ur pee
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
