Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
