My hair reeks of homosexuality.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I need to sanitize my soul.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
