Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
