I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
A bitchslap is in order.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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