I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
