I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Randomize
