somebody snuck up and got me drunk
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
