i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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