Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
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