Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
