wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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