Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
