Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
