the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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