The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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