don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Randomize
