You're a womanizer and a bitch.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize