I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Randomize
