Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
