So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Randomize
