i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
