I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize
