im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
