I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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