I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I supernannyed him into submission
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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