someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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