i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
