This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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