people are starting to question the shark bite story
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
