There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
