The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
