I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
