How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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