I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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